My sister Hannah has finally embarked on a new adventure of her own, getting married. It's been a life-long dream of hers & I admire her for being able to go through with it. She's the first in the 5 of us to do so (as has been predicted & expected ever since, if I may say so). Her wedding was beautiful. It was a reunion of friends and family in celebration of the life she chose to live. I could certainly say she's happy & knowing that, I know she will do great in this new adventure of hers.
And of course, it got me thinking about my own (or whatever). A lot of my friends have gotten married, are engaged & about to get married, while others are in very secure & stable relationships that will most likely culminate in a wedding too. As much as I like weddings, I actually don't feel like I want one. Honestly. It's just too much for me. Too much drama, too much hype. I feel if (I don't wanna say when since I really am ambivalent about it) I get married, I'd rather just elope & do away with all the wedding planning. I know it must be fun & all but I realize, it's not my cup of tea. I don't want the drama. I don't want the roller coaster and merry-go-round of emotions, the tug-of-war of this and that, planning a wedding is. It's just that or I am simply not the marrying type at all. I've settled that piece within myself a long time ago.
A long time ago too, I remember someone asked me what my dream wedding was. I couldn't even think of any single detail. Not a dress, not a motif, not a church, no nothing. Then, I realized, I didn't even care. I have never been that girl who planned her wedding in detail. I might have thought about it once in a while but never that it was like a mission or anything. And that's when it hit me, I don't mind not getting married, at all. I know a lot of people would feel different things about that statement but hey, to each his own. I have great respect for people who commit to a lifetime with the one they've chosen. I may not believe in it most of the time but I allow myself to not be caged in the concept of that. I am not jaded, but I just don't see a life lived with someone very fulfilling more than the one I could live fully on my own with my daughter.
But that in itself proves to be such a difficult thing to maneuver. I never really planned on having a kid in my life. In fact, I planned to be child-less for as long as I can remember. I never had grand visions of myself with children or anything like that. Kids likes me, I liked kids -- as long as they're not mine. But all that changed with the entry of Ananya in my life. Sure, she's the only kid I like and now I can't imagine a life without her. It's weird how little accidents can completely change you.
So all I'm saying, perhaps I don't want to get married coz I don't have anyone. I might sing a different tune when someone comes along. But there's been a few who've come & gone and I honestly never had grand dreams of love and forever with any of them save for one. Oh well, there's really nothing to change my mind at this point. But once there is, I won't be shy about it.