So, another one bites the dust, yet again. It's just kinda weird to realize I had actual feelings for this particular person only when I was confronted with the fact that it wasn't supposed to be, that it couldn't be anymore. I dunno if that's sadder than having realized it before it was pointless to have come to such realization or if that will have made any difference had I have acknowledged the existence of such in the first place.

And to think I kept it hidden, like it was one big secret I was nurturing from the beginning. I never really announced his presence in my life to anyone lest I jinx it. But I think, whether everyone knew about him or didn't, it was still bound to end as it did. It's crazy how I think of it as a relationship when it fact it was just a very convenient friendship that could have been something else. Ok, I guess now that it's over, I could just call it that. It was a lot harder giving it a label before as I didn't want to assume nor preempt anything. But regardless how careful I might have been with it, it still backfired. Or I guess, just plainly didn't progress as I had hoped. Not my fault, at least so I rest easy on that one. The fact of the matter is I did try. After a long time of not having been able to open up to anyone else, I made the effort and the time. I invested and tried to work on it as best as I could. It's good to know I have not lost that and that I could still be that kind of person again even after a long while and after everything else,

Perhaps, next time, I should level it up. Yeah, definitely no dating lower than my income, emotional and intellectual bracket. And let's add within my geographical location too. I've learned recently (and unfortunately) that does matter a lot, to some. Hopefully, for the next one, even if it were an issue, it won't be such a complicated concern that can't be addressed.

So, good riddance to men who couldn't see in me what I saw in myself. However, despite this epiphany, men's lame preferences, I know, will continue to devastate me. I have had (and will most likely still have) a series of relationships or potentials for such that will start strong and then end quickly. Because like any acquired taste, I require time and a refined palate to be appreciated.

And appreciated I should most definitely be.